So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I can't turn off my feet"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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