ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
