You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
