so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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