how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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