i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
