he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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