I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
