Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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