I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
