Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
