farters have to be the big spoon...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
