In the future we'll all be gay
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
