MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
