"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
