I cannot find my penis.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
