at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
