If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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