I want to have your abortion
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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