Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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