It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize