look no pants
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Too much gin, very little bucket
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
