Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
