It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
