We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
