..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
