I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
