he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
