yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
