Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
dude. I can hear the air.
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