he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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