My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize