he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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