Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
