Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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