im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we should paint friendship bongs
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
