Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
