Heybabeimwearingurpanties
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
