Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
