I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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