i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
