I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
