If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
