She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
