oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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