There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
