Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
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Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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