I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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