If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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