I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
