hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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