Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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