I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
