His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
