you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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