Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
