wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
