I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
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hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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