Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
