Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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