You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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