Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
