I wish my penis had an off switch
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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