No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize