She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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