What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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