i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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