He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
