what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
