So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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